My Darling Donkey

Down the street from our house there lies a field. In this field there lives many cows. And... Batman & Robin.

Batman is a donkey, and might I add a very pretty little black and brown donkey. Robin is either a miniature horse or a mule, nobody seems to really be sure. But Batman and Robin are best friends and very rarely seen apart. The exception to this is when the cows are around - Batman fears the cows* like Superman fears kryptonite, and he always moves to another field, while Robin doesn't mind the cows and will happily share their hay.

Batman got his name because one day we were driving by his field as he was peeing. I exclaimed, apropos of nothing, "That donkey is hung like Batman!" Much like the breed of Robin, nobody seems to be sure why I would think that Batman would be at all hung like a donkey. However, from that day on the donkey and mule/horse have been known to me, Mark, and all who roam in our circle as Batman & Robin**.

Since Mark moved into Bert*** several years ago, we have seen Batman and Robin do some fairly strange things. For example, there is a small mound of dirt in the field that Batman has a bit of a fondness towards. He likes to get up on top of it and "BRRRAAAAAAEEE" at the top of his lungs, showing his teeth, and his innate Batman-ness to all the world driving past. And lest you be thinking that this is out in the country, Batman's field is actually on the corner of a very busy street and one of Texas' main interstates. Because that's just how we roll here in the Lone Star State.

Anyway, the whole point of this story is to tell you about Mark cracking me the hell up describing another strange activity Batman & Robin were spotted engaging in. We were just driving down the road this weekend, when he casually busts out with:

"The other day Batman was really giving it to Robin."

"WHAT?!?!?!"

"Batman was giving it to Robin."

"You mean like... wait... what? SEXUALLY?!?!?!"

"Well, I didn't see actual intercourse, but there was mounting."

"WHAT? But... that's never... I mean... WOW. So wait, Robin is a girl? OH MY GOD, what if they have babies?!"

"{laughing} I guess we could name them Ratmans. Or Bobbins."

As you may have guessed, I'm pretty attached to Batman & Robin****. And, I truly do hope for little Bat babies. Although, I have not yet confirmed Robin's gender, so there may be very little chance of baby production. And, I guess, if Robin is actually a mule, Batman was just practicing safe sex.

*A while back, Mark and I were playing Taboo with a couple of friends. That's the game where you have to get your partner to say a word, without using any of the words listed on the card, which are usually the most common descriptive words for the word you have to get your partner to say. Like, if you needed your partner to say "pen," you probably couldn't say ink, paper, writing, etc. I had to get Mark to say "cow," and in a tactical move that I wowed myself with, the first words out of my mouth were, "Batman runs from these everyday!" Mark immediately guessed "COW!" We totally won that game.

**Across the highway there is another field. In that one there are also lots of cows, and a very rarely spotted white and tan donkey. I call him The Joker. Please note that I am not a particular fan of the Batman comics and/or movies, rather I am pretty indifferent to Superheros in general. The exception to that is, of course, The Incredible Hulk, or, as he is known in my family, the Ho Tie Duck. When I was a wee child I loved The Incredible Hulk series, but I couldn't pronounce it, and it always came out Ho Tie Duck. It seems odd to me that I would name the donkey, mule/horse, and other donkey after Batman characters instead of Ho Tie Duck characters. I mean, why didn't I say,"That donkey is hung like the Ho Tie Duck!"? But my brain works in ways even I fail to understand.

***In case anyone missed it in a previous post, Bert is the name of our house. Don't ask questions, just accept.

****SO SAD that in a few years they plan to build a town center right on Batman's field! And by the by, how lame and old school is it to call something a "Town Center?" This city, I tell you what...