Honestly, I can't make this stuff up

It's the middle of a busy shift. I am standing in front of two people seated at a table towards the back of the restaurant. I have four other tables I am taking care of, three with two people each and one with five VIP's.

JR: What would ya'll* like to drink this evening?

Man: I just want water.

Woman: You don't want tea?

Man: No. Just water.

Woman: You don't want a soda?

Man: Nope. I'm happy with water.

Woman: You can get hot tea...

Man: Just the water.

JR (totally interrupting): Ok! Water it is! And how about for you, ma'am?

(I glance around and note to self: table 22 is waiting to order dessert, table 24 needs to hear specials, table 27 needs clearing...)

Woman: I don't know.

JR: Well, why don't I give you another minute...

Woman: No, no, don't go, hold on.

JR: ....ok....

Woman: Hm. Well, I don't want wine.

Man: Nope.

Woman: I don't know... What did I have last time we were here?

Man: I don't know.

Woman: It was good... I remember that... Did I have tea?

Man: Maybe.

JR: So should I...

Woman: Just wait a second!

JR: Right.

Woman: I might have had coffee. Honey, did I have coffee?

Man: Yes. I remember. You had coffee.

Woman: Do you think I should have coffee again?

(Note: I had steam coming out my ears.)

Man: I don't know, was it good?

Woman: Yes. It was good. So should I have coffee then?

Man: I guess so. If you want coffee.

Woman: Hm...

JR: Socoffeethen?GreatI'llgetthatrightoutoyou! (I then take off at a rapid rate.)

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Just on an aside, she then had to have a brand new cup of coffee with every course (4 total). Not a fresh pour, A WHOLE NEW CUP AND SAUCER.

And, she stole sugar packets. The raw sugar ones, which are totally the most expensive.

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It's now the end of the evening. All of my other tables have left. I am standing at their table, trying to figure out their convoluted dessert order.

Woman: What's in the berry empanadas?

JR: Berries. (Ok, I didn't say that one - I said what the types of berries were.)

Woman: Hm. Now, are those berries whole or liquid?

JR: Well, it's a fruit filling... So... Neither. In between whole and liquid.

Woman: Oh, ok, I get it. (Really? Because I had no idea what I just said.)

JR: So you want to try the empanadas then?

Woman: Oh, no, I was just curious.

JR: Right. Of course. What would you like then?

Woman: I don't know. What are your ice creams today?

JR: Blah, blah, blah, white chocolate raspberry, blah, blah, blueberry, blah and I think also blah.

Woman: Wow. Okay, what was the third to last one?

JR: (desperately trying to remember the order I said them in, because it changes every time) Um.... Cherry?

Woman: No.

JR: Oh. Um, blueberry?

Woman: Yes! (get ready kids, here's the best part...) Blueberry ice cream. Ok... Can you describe that to me?

JR: (blank stare)

Woman: (inquisitive stare)

JR: Um... Um... It's blueberries... in ice cream... So... Blueberry ice cream.

Woman: Okay. I will have that.

Man: I will have the chocolate raspberry one.

Woman: Wait! I thought you were getting key lime pie!

Man: (looks at me) I WILL HAVE THE ICE CREAM.

JR: Ok then. I'll go get that right now.
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Seriously. As frustrating as that was for you to read, imagine my pain.


*Yes, I say ya'll to my tables. Bite me.