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Slivers and Snippets: Honestly, I can't make this stuff up

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Honestly, I can't make this stuff up

It's the middle of a busy shift. I am standing in front of two people seated at a table towards the back of the restaurant. I have four other tables I am taking care of, three with two people each and one with five VIP's.

JR: What would ya'll* like to drink this evening?

Man: I just want water.

Woman: You don't want tea?

Man: No. Just water.

Woman: You don't want a soda?

Man: Nope. I'm happy with water.

Woman: You can get hot tea...

Man: Just the water.

JR (totally interrupting): Ok! Water it is! And how about for you, ma'am?

(I glance around and note to self: table 22 is waiting to order dessert, table 24 needs to hear specials, table 27 needs clearing...)

Woman: I don't know.

JR: Well, why don't I give you another minute...

Woman: No, no, don't go, hold on.

JR: ....ok....

Woman: Hm. Well, I don't want wine.

Man: Nope.

Woman: I don't know... What did I have last time we were here?

Man: I don't know.

Woman: It was good... I remember that... Did I have tea?

Man: Maybe.

JR: So should I...

Woman: Just wait a second!

JR: Right.

Woman: I might have had coffee. Honey, did I have coffee?

Man: Yes. I remember. You had coffee.

Woman: Do you think I should have coffee again?

(Note: I had steam coming out my ears.)

Man: I don't know, was it good?

Woman: Yes. It was good. So should I have coffee then?

Man: I guess so. If you want coffee.

Woman: Hm...

JR: Socoffeethen?GreatI'llgetthatrightoutoyou! (I then take off at a rapid rate.)


Just on an aside, she then had to have a brand new cup of coffee with every course (4 total). Not a fresh pour, A WHOLE NEW CUP AND SAUCER.

And, she stole sugar packets. The raw sugar ones, which are totally the most expensive.


It's now the end of the evening. All of my other tables have left. I am standing at their table, trying to figure out their convoluted dessert order.

Woman: What's in the berry empanadas?

JR: Berries. (Ok, I didn't say that one - I said what the types of berries were.)

Woman: Hm. Now, are those berries whole or liquid?

JR: Well, it's a fruit filling... So... Neither. In between whole and liquid.

Woman: Oh, ok, I get it. (Really? Because I had no idea what I just said.)

JR: So you want to try the empanadas then?

Woman: Oh, no, I was just curious.

JR: Right. Of course. What would you like then?

Woman: I don't know. What are your ice creams today?

JR: Blah, blah, blah, white chocolate raspberry, blah, blah, blueberry, blah and I think also blah.

Woman: Wow. Okay, what was the third to last one?

JR: (desperately trying to remember the order I said them in, because it changes every time) Um.... Cherry?

Woman: No.

JR: Oh. Um, blueberry?

Woman: Yes! (get ready kids, here's the best part...) Blueberry ice cream. Ok... Can you describe that to me?

JR: (blank stare)

Woman: (inquisitive stare)

JR: Um... Um... It's blueberries... in ice cream... So... Blueberry ice cream.

Woman: Okay. I will have that.

Man: I will have the chocolate raspberry one.

Woman: Wait! I thought you were getting key lime pie!

Man: (looks at me) I WILL HAVE THE ICE CREAM.

JR: Ok then. I'll go get that right now.

Seriously. As frustrating as that was for you to read, imagine my pain.

*Yes, I say ya'll to my tables. Bite me.


At 8:25 AM, Anonymous Jack said...

It's a wonder that some people can function in public.

They probably own their own multi-milliion dollar comany and can't understand why Bush's approval rating is so low right now.


At 11:51 AM, Anonymous amy said...

Imagine his pain... poor guy. who was her daddy that he got stuck with that crazy woman.

Hey Jack! Aren't you just the luckiest husband ever?

At 1:35 PM, Blogger JayAre said...

He is the luckiest husband ever!

There were other issues with their table, but I have chosen not to mock some things in a public forum. People who don't know me may not understand me, and see my lovable-ness underneath my "I'm already going to hell anyway, might as well talk bad about everybody" attitude.

At 6:26 PM, Anonymous Chrissy said...

I have plenty of room in my handbasket...I'll save you a spot!!!


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