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Slivers and Snippets: Name that frog!!!

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Name that frog!!!

Many of the people who read this blog have attended Mark & JayAre's Super Awesome Superbowl Blowout.* Therefore, most of you know about the tackiness. But for those of you that don't, or may not have noticed, let me explain...

Mark and I love tacky stuff.

Our plan is to eventually have the office in our house be filled with trashy decorations. Ironically, of course. The rest of the house will be perfectly nice.**

Let me give you some examples of a few items already in place in the office:

First, we have the Falstaff Beer Plastic Light-Up Trophy. I found this in my grandma's closet and had to have it. Apparently, it was my grandfather's. I never knew the man, but I can safely wager that he must have been neat-o:

Next, we have the Live Nudes Neon Sign That We Got At The Company Christmas Party***. I love White Elephant gift exchanges. I came home with a case of beer and Mark came home with this:

Thirdly, we have the obligatory Roseanne Barr Style Dogs Playing Poker Poster. This hangs right over Mark's computer:

So, here's the best part. When we were in Fredericksburg, we were walking down the street, possibly drinking some beer, when Mark stopped in front of a store and said, "Look at that."

It was a giant frog statue. Wearing a chef apron that says "Kiss the Cook" and a chef hat that has a giant kiss print on the top. Seriously.

So, we walk up to the statue and are marveling at it. First of all, it's tacky. Secondly, I collect frogs. It's listed as being $125, but it's on clearance for $40. Just as I am explaining to Mark that "this is the tackiest thing I've ever seen" the owner of the shop walks out. He says, "I'll sell you that tacky frog for $25."

I look at Mark, he looks at me, we look at the frog, Sammie barks, and Mark pulls out his wallet.

Now, the frog will eventually end up in the tacky room. But for now, we love it too much to banish it that far away. So it is living in the kitchen.

Please note the oregano that is actually growing. I will be accepting compliments on Monday between 3 and 4 pm.

Anyway, here's the part we need help with: naming the frog. I name EVERYTHING. No, really, everything. Ask me the name of any of my belongings, cars, the house, whatever, I promise you I have named it.

So far, we have come up with Chef Toad English, Chef Bobby Frog, and Chef Toadimoto. We are leaning towards Chef Toad English, but are welcoming any and all suggestions.

Also, we have absolutely NO IDEA what the holes are for - there's one in his left hand that I think is for a flag pole- it came with a rolled up Confederate flag shoved in there, but I threw that away. There's another hole in his left hand that is too big for a flag, and two in his apron. All the holes are too small for beer, bottled or canned, we already tried. Our only other thought is maybe for Herb (cause there's a fucking H in it) growing. Any ideas on that?

*Seriously, it's SUPER AWESOME. And you know what would make it even more awesome? Awesome-er, if you will? IF THE FREAKING COLTS WOULD GO TO THE DAMN SUPERBOWL. Geez.

**With the exception of Mark's Gigantic Television. Because he likes to watch Keith Olberman larger than life... Mark is reading over my shoulder and says that his TV is not tacky. I responded with, "But it's not perfectly nice." He is now pointing out that it is perfectly nice, unless of course I want him to get the 72 inch TV. Because he feels that would of course be less tacky than the 65 inch. Of course. Anyway.

***Rumor holds that anytime this sign is lit I must get naked. Mom and Dad, I promise it's not true.

(Thank you to Mark, for acting as my hand model in the first two pictures.)


At 7:10 AM, Blogger Jerry said...

I'm pretty sure the holes are for Red Bull.

At 6:53 PM, Blogger JayAre said...

Why Red Bull? Does he look strung out?

At 3:53 PM, Blogger Steve-O said...

The holes are not what is important. The holes represent an absence of tackiness, which, when encorporated into the whole of the frog, becomes inherently tacky. Therefore, the holes are the metaphysical representation of tackiness that is one with the universe.

At 8:20 PM, Anonymous jack said...

Or they could be portals to another universe.

At 10:10 PM, Blogger JayAre said...

I tried to climb in one of the portals, but my fat ass wouldn't fit. Ah well.

At 4:18 PM, Anonymous Chrissy said...

First of all you should have given the flag to Ty...second of all, are you sure y'all aren't from Weatherford??? And last but not least---THAT IS A HUGE BITCH!*

*the frog...not your ass in the portal.


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