The Post Wherein I Publicly Announce My Cluelessness. And My Love For Owen.

I have very little awareness of what goes on in the world around me. I know that this makes me a bad American. But I HATE watching the news. It's so upsetting. Can't everyone just chill out?

So, I live happily in my little ignorant cave, completely unaware of anything outside of my circle of friends.

But sometimes, somebody will bring something up to me and I am shocked at my own stupidity. "Hey, did you hear about the meteor that hit in your own backyard*??!?!?" "Was it in US Weekly? No? Then no."

All this month the manager of the restaurant I work in has been vacationing in his home country of Cyprus. Which sucks because it means I have to work more, but is awesome because hey, the boss is gone! Although I will admit that, surprising even to me, I have missed him. But if any of you repeat that to him I will hunt you down and tell you fascinating fish tank stories for three hours.** That will be your punishment for ruining my front of hating everyone.

So anyway, the boss is in Cyprus. And today my friend Fletcher called me, all worked up.

F: "You know that war that's going on?"

JR: "Sure." (Thinking she means the war in Iraq, of which I am aware, my cave isn't that isolated.)

F: "Well, I just heard on the news that they're evacuating Americans to Cyprus! So I looked at a map and it's RIGHT next to Lebanon!"

JR: {beginning to realize that I have missed something...} "Evacuating to Cyprus? What? Wait, what war are you talking about?"

F: "Lebanon and Israel. The bombing."

JR: "Um.... I don't watch the news..."

F: "Oh my god, you just said you're online right now, stop by cnn.com every now and then! Lebanon and Israel are bombing the shit out of each other, and it's right by Cyprus and that's where Boss is!"

JR: "Dude, that's crazy! I was just kidding when I said I hoped he would get stuck there..."

F: "You gotta get a map and look at how close it is."

JR: "Well, I just went to cnn.com cause you told me to, but the first thing I saw was a place to click for an article about Owen Wilson, so I'm reading that now. I'll read about the fighting after that."

F: {Laughing}


*Dude, there was no meteor. I would notice that, at least. But it is true that I have an addiction to US Weekly.

**That would be one hour for every tank that I have in my house, for now... Yesterday Mark says, "Are you planning on getting more fishtanks?" I said, "Are you gonna let me get more dogs and cats? No? Then yes, I will be getting more fishtanks."

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I would like to note that I not only did read about the bombing online, I also turned the tv on to CNN for my background noise today. I miss my usual Jack FM, but maybe I should know something about something every now and then.

But also, I am already depressed. Stupid people killing other people.