A week of conversations with Fletcher*
F - "You know how our beef is all grass fed and locally grown?"
JR - "Yeah..."
F - "Well, I was reading a thing about Competitors Restaurant, and it said their beef is grass fed and from Uruguay!"
JR - "Why would you get beef shipped from there when we have the same thing here?"
F - "Who knows."
JR - "Besides, how can you trust it? If you can't go check the farm, they could be feeding those cows ANYTHING, and just telling you it's grass fed!"
F - "That is so true. You totally can't trust Uruguay. Those people will lie about anything."
JR - "Nothing good can come from Uruguay, mark my words."
F - "Now Paraguay, there's a trustworthy country."
JR - "Definitely. I would totally trust Paraguay with my meat."
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New Girl - "Is our fish boneless?"
JR & Fletcher - "Yes."
NG - "Um, ok, I'll go tell my table."
JR - "Wait, New Girl! We mean that they remove the bones after they catch it, not that it's an actual boneless fish."
NG - "OH! I get it. Okay, thanks."
F - "I am so glad you clarified that for her."
JR - "Amen, sister."
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{Sheila bends down to get something out of the fridge behind Fletcher}
F - "Sheila! What did you just do?!?!?"
S - "I just got the cream out."
F {to me} - "I swear, Sheila just licked my butt."
JR - "Well, you know, it's the end of the night..."
F - "I know! My butt's all sweaty!"
JR - "She loves her some sweaty butt. Sheila always gets all lickeybutt at the end of the night." {It should be noted that I shook my head quickly back and forth when I said lickeybutt.**}
F - "Lickeybutt... You're right. Sheila is very lickeybutt."
*Fletcher is the friend I mention in my sidebar that I went to NYC with last year. Best. Time. Ever.
**It is very hard for me to get across to you how funny the lickeybutt conversation was. I really think maybe you had to be there. Or maybe you just have to know Sheila.
posted by JR @ 3:40 PM
20 comments
20 Comments:
while i could never forget the uruguay/paraguay trustworthiness comparison conversation and the lickeybutt habits of sheila forever dwell in my dreams, i never had talked to "new girl" about boneless fish. i don't doubt this conversation took place. i just don't think i would have been that nice in my reply.
LOL - I'm pretty sure it was you. Don't argue with me, I may be forced to post NYC Morning Hair pictures of you.
-JayAre
no...seriously. there is no reason for threats like that. i thought we were friends. i have some sort of blackmail on you...oh yeah, i have VIDEO of when your skirt flew up like marilyn monroe on the subway grate in nyc...u think i dont???? test me!!!!!
check with brit. it sounds more like something she would say.
fletch
'I would totally trust Paraguay with my meat' - I am going to laugh all week at that!
And, Lickeybutt! That's funny!
Of course, I started going in a COMPLETELY different thought pattern when I read "I just got the cream out".
This is why my parents don't get to read my blog. They would die from the shame of raising such a perv.
I was probably there and I was following the same thought process. That's just how our crew rolls!
Laura, do you have an anti-parental filter?
There could be some money in that, you know.
Fletch - Ok, I give. You may be right... Butthead.
Laura - I didn't even realize how the cream statement factored in until I typed it out. Then I thought about taking it off, but my parents know how I roll. LOL
Chris - You were hanging out in your box, I think. You probably heard it!
Jack - Invent it, Code Monkey!
Steve - No. No grass from Uruguay. You can't trust those fuckers with anything.
No, I have no anti-parental filter. I've just never told them about my blog. I give information to my parents on a need-to-know basis. It works out best for everyone that way.
But if you DO invent that filter, Jack, I will totally help with beta testing.
Do you think they have a Uruguay on Uranus?
Dude, we both forgot to hang out last night AGAIN.
And you wonder why I don't read your blog more often. LOL.
Love,
Dad
I do enjoy hanging out in my box with random strangers getting them drunk...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anti-Parental filter 1.0
10> Print "Parents go away!"
20> REM Anything you could possible read in this blog will permanently scar any hopes you had of being a good parent. It should be quite clear by now that you've raised a near perfect copy of both you and you partner, with your idiosyncrasies and character flaws simply magnified and manifested in your child. Do not proceed!!!!
30> Goto 10
hm.... might need more work.
It's a good start though.
Steve-O - I hope you didn't loose the little fun 'tacky-room' item I gave you to give to JR like a million years ago. You're supposed to hang out with her so you can give it to her. don't forget next time, OK?!?
I think that Paraguayans are only allowed in Massachusetts, Vermont, and Hawaii.
Jack, that is some funny shit. I don't know how you and Steve think of this stuff.
i don't know who u r steve-o, but your paraguay/uruguay/guay rights statements just made me full on spit pretzels right on to the monitor. i am right there with ya.
jr--TOLD YA!!!!
fletcher
Steve- Seriously, man, you too funny.
Fletch - f off. love you!
I told she had met you before! She couldn't remember. You're right though, you do tend to blend right in though... in a crowd of 8 foot tall people...
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