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Slivers and Snippets: A week of conversations with Fletcher*

Monday, August 21, 2006

A week of conversations with Fletcher*

F - "You know how our beef is all grass fed and locally grown?"

JR - "Yeah..."

F - "Well, I was reading a thing about Competitors Restaurant, and it said their beef is grass fed and from Uruguay!"

JR - "Why would you get beef shipped from there when we have the same thing here?"

F - "Who knows."

JR - "Besides, how can you trust it? If you can't go check the farm, they could be feeding those cows ANYTHING, and just telling you it's grass fed!"

F - "That is so true. You totally can't trust Uruguay. Those people will lie about anything."

JR - "Nothing good can come from Uruguay, mark my words."

F - "Now Paraguay, there's a trustworthy country."

JR - "Definitely. I would totally trust Paraguay with my meat."


New Girl - "Is our fish boneless?"

JR & Fletcher - "Yes."

NG - "Um, ok, I'll go tell my table."

JR - "Wait, New Girl! We mean that they remove the bones after they catch it, not that it's an actual boneless fish."

NG - "OH! I get it. Okay, thanks."

F - "I am so glad you clarified that for her."

JR - "Amen, sister."


{Sheila bends down to get something out of the fridge behind Fletcher}

F - "Sheila! What did you just do?!?!?"

S - "I just got the cream out."

F {to me} - "I swear, Sheila just licked my butt."

JR - "Well, you know, it's the end of the night..."

F - "I know! My butt's all sweaty!"

JR - "She loves her some sweaty butt. Sheila always gets all lickeybutt at the end of the night." {It should be noted that I shook my head quickly back and forth when I said lickeybutt.**}

F - "Lickeybutt... You're right. Sheila is very lickeybutt."

*Fletcher is the friend I mention in my sidebar that I went to NYC with last year. Best. Time. Ever.

**It is very hard for me to get across to you how funny the lickeybutt conversation was. I really think maybe you had to be there. Or maybe you just have to know Sheila.


At 6:47 PM, Anonymous fletcher said...

while i could never forget the uruguay/paraguay trustworthiness comparison conversation and the lickeybutt habits of sheila forever dwell in my dreams, i never had talked to "new girl" about boneless fish. i don't doubt this conversation took place. i just don't think i would have been that nice in my reply.

At 7:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL - I'm pretty sure it was you. Don't argue with me, I may be forced to post NYC Morning Hair pictures of you.

At 7:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

no...seriously. there is no reason for threats like that. i thought we were friends. i have some sort of blackmail on you...oh yeah, i have VIDEO of when your skirt flew up like marilyn monroe on the subway grate in nyc...u think i dont???? test me!!!!!

check with brit. it sounds more like something she would say.


At 9:24 PM, Blogger hamster_grrl said...

'I would totally trust Paraguay with my meat' - I am going to laugh all week at that!

And, Lickeybutt! That's funny!

Of course, I started going in a COMPLETELY different thought pattern when I read "I just got the cream out".

This is why my parents don't get to read my blog. They would die from the shame of raising such a perv.

At 9:40 PM, Anonymous Chrissy said...

I was probably there and I was following the same thought process. That's just how our crew rolls!

At 7:14 AM, Blogger Jack said...

Laura, do you have an anti-parental filter?

There could be some money in that, you know.

At 8:43 AM, Blogger Steve-O said...

Wait... what happens if the meat is local, but the grass is grown in Uruguay? Can you trust Uruguay with grass?

At 11:02 AM, Blogger JayAre said...

Fletch - Ok, I give. You may be right... Butthead.

Laura - I didn't even realize how the cream statement factored in until I typed it out. Then I thought about taking it off, but my parents know how I roll. LOL

Chris - You were hanging out in your box, I think. You probably heard it!

Jack - Invent it, Code Monkey!

Steve - No. No grass from Uruguay. You can't trust those fuckers with anything.

At 11:47 AM, Blogger hamster_grrl said...

No, I have no anti-parental filter. I've just never told them about my blog. I give information to my parents on a need-to-know basis. It works out best for everyone that way.

But if you DO invent that filter, Jack, I will totally help with beta testing.

At 2:43 PM, Blogger Steve-O said...

I must admit, I don't like the way that Uruguay tries to question my orientation. I am most definately not 'a guay'.

At 4:52 PM, Blogger JayAre said...

Do you think they have a Uruguay on Uranus?

Dude, we both forgot to hang out last night AGAIN.

At 5:37 PM, Blogger Jerry said...

And you wonder why I don't read your blog more often. LOL.


At 10:13 PM, Anonymous Chrissy said...

I do enjoy hanging out in my box with random strangers getting them drunk...

At 9:16 AM, Blogger Jack said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 9:17 AM, Blogger Jack said...

Anti-Parental filter 1.0

10> Print "Parents go away!"
20> REM Anything you could possible read in this blog will permanently scar any hopes you had of being a good parent. It should be quite clear by now that you've raised a near perfect copy of both you and you partner, with your idiosyncrasies and character flaws simply magnified and manifested in your child. Do not proceed!!!!
30> Goto 10

hm.... might need more work.

At 2:21 PM, Blogger JayAre said...

It's a good start though.

At 7:24 PM, Anonymous amy said...

Steve-O - I hope you didn't loose the little fun 'tacky-room' item I gave you to give to JR like a million years ago. You're supposed to hang out with her so you can give it to her. don't forget next time, OK?!?

At 7:31 PM, Blogger Jack said...

I think that Paraguayans are only allowed in Massachusetts, Vermont, and Hawaii.

At 9:44 AM, Blogger JayAre said...

Jack, that is some funny shit. I don't know how you and Steve think of this stuff.

At 12:53 PM, Blogger Steve-O said...

There's still a lot of support for Paraguay Rights in other places, but yes, I think Jack is right. They have Guay Rights parades where Uruguay and Paraguay get to hang out together, but sadly, the guay voice has fallen on def ears in Congress.

Amy, yes, I still have it. But we keep forgetting to hang out, so she can't have it yet. It's motivation though! Also, next time you're at the store, please remember to pick up some tenis balls, teflon, marzipan and molten lead. Thanks!

At 2:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i don't know who u r steve-o, but your paraguay/uruguay/guay rights statements just made me full on spit pretzels right on to the monitor. i am right there with ya.

jr--TOLD YA!!!!


At 2:33 PM, Blogger JayAre said...

Steve- Seriously, man, you too funny.

Fletch - f off. love you!

At 9:27 AM, Blogger Steve-O said...

That's okay. You've only met me like 5 times and never remember who I am. I understand if I don't ever make an impression or anything. It's not like I stick out in a crowd. Don't worry. Next time you can meet me again for the first time.

At 10:14 AM, Blogger JayAre said...

I told she had met you before! She couldn't remember. You're right though, you do tend to blend right in though... in a crowd of 8 foot tall people...


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