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Slivers and Snippets: A week of conversations with Fletcher*

Monday, August 21, 2006

A week of conversations with Fletcher*

F - "You know how our beef is all grass fed and locally grown?"

JR - "Yeah..."

F - "Well, I was reading a thing about Competitors Restaurant, and it said their beef is grass fed and from Uruguay!"

JR - "Why would you get beef shipped from there when we have the same thing here?"

F - "Who knows."

JR - "Besides, how can you trust it? If you can't go check the farm, they could be feeding those cows ANYTHING, and just telling you it's grass fed!"

F - "That is so true. You totally can't trust Uruguay. Those people will lie about anything."

JR - "Nothing good can come from Uruguay, mark my words."

F - "Now Paraguay, there's a trustworthy country."

JR - "Definitely. I would totally trust Paraguay with my meat."

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New Girl - "Is our fish boneless?"

JR & Fletcher - "Yes."

NG - "Um, ok, I'll go tell my table."

JR - "Wait, New Girl! We mean that they remove the bones after they catch it, not that it's an actual boneless fish."

NG - "OH! I get it. Okay, thanks."

F - "I am so glad you clarified that for her."

JR - "Amen, sister."

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{Sheila bends down to get something out of the fridge behind Fletcher}

F - "Sheila! What did you just do?!?!?"

S - "I just got the cream out."

F {to me} - "I swear, Sheila just licked my butt."

JR - "Well, you know, it's the end of the night..."

F - "I know! My butt's all sweaty!"

JR - "She loves her some sweaty butt. Sheila always gets all lickeybutt at the end of the night." {It should be noted that I shook my head quickly back and forth when I said lickeybutt.**}

F - "Lickeybutt... You're right. Sheila is very lickeybutt."



*Fletcher is the friend I mention in my sidebar that I went to NYC with last year. Best. Time. Ever.

**It is very hard for me to get across to you how funny the lickeybutt conversation was. I really think maybe you had to be there. Or maybe you just have to know Sheila.

20 Comments:

At 6:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

while i could never forget the uruguay/paraguay trustworthiness comparison conversation and the lickeybutt habits of sheila forever dwell in my dreams, i never had talked to "new girl" about boneless fish. i don't doubt this conversation took place. i just don't think i would have been that nice in my reply.

 
At 7:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL - I'm pretty sure it was you. Don't argue with me, I may be forced to post NYC Morning Hair pictures of you.
-JayAre

 
At 7:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

no...seriously. there is no reason for threats like that. i thought we were friends. i have some sort of blackmail on you...oh yeah, i have VIDEO of when your skirt flew up like marilyn monroe on the subway grate in nyc...u think i dont???? test me!!!!!

check with brit. it sounds more like something she would say.

fletch

 
At 9:24 PM, Blogger hamster_grrl said...

'I would totally trust Paraguay with my meat' - I am going to laugh all week at that!

And, Lickeybutt! That's funny!

Of course, I started going in a COMPLETELY different thought pattern when I read "I just got the cream out".

This is why my parents don't get to read my blog. They would die from the shame of raising such a perv.

 
At 9:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was probably there and I was following the same thought process. That's just how our crew rolls!

 
At 7:14 AM, Blogger Jack said...

Laura, do you have an anti-parental filter?

There could be some money in that, you know.

 
At 11:02 AM, Blogger JR said...

Fletch - Ok, I give. You may be right... Butthead.

Laura - I didn't even realize how the cream statement factored in until I typed it out. Then I thought about taking it off, but my parents know how I roll. LOL

Chris - You were hanging out in your box, I think. You probably heard it!

Jack - Invent it, Code Monkey!

Steve - No. No grass from Uruguay. You can't trust those fuckers with anything.

 
At 11:47 AM, Blogger hamster_grrl said...

No, I have no anti-parental filter. I've just never told them about my blog. I give information to my parents on a need-to-know basis. It works out best for everyone that way.

But if you DO invent that filter, Jack, I will totally help with beta testing.

 
At 4:52 PM, Blogger JR said...

Do you think they have a Uruguay on Uranus?

Dude, we both forgot to hang out last night AGAIN.

 
At 5:37 PM, Blogger Jerry said...

And you wonder why I don't read your blog more often. LOL.

Love,
Dad

 
At 10:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do enjoy hanging out in my box with random strangers getting them drunk...

 
At 9:16 AM, Blogger Jack said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 9:17 AM, Blogger Jack said...

Anti-Parental filter 1.0

10> Print "Parents go away!"
20> REM Anything you could possible read in this blog will permanently scar any hopes you had of being a good parent. It should be quite clear by now that you've raised a near perfect copy of both you and you partner, with your idiosyncrasies and character flaws simply magnified and manifested in your child. Do not proceed!!!!
30> Goto 10


hm.... might need more work.

 
At 2:21 PM, Blogger JR said...

It's a good start though.

 
At 7:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Steve-O - I hope you didn't loose the little fun 'tacky-room' item I gave you to give to JR like a million years ago. You're supposed to hang out with her so you can give it to her. don't forget next time, OK?!?

 
At 7:31 PM, Blogger Jack said...

I think that Paraguayans are only allowed in Massachusetts, Vermont, and Hawaii.

 
At 9:44 AM, Blogger JR said...

Jack, that is some funny shit. I don't know how you and Steve think of this stuff.

 
At 2:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i don't know who u r steve-o, but your paraguay/uruguay/guay rights statements just made me full on spit pretzels right on to the monitor. i am right there with ya.

jr--TOLD YA!!!!

fletcher

 
At 2:33 PM, Blogger JR said...

Steve- Seriously, man, you too funny.

Fletch - f off. love you!

 
At 10:14 AM, Blogger JR said...

I told she had met you before! She couldn't remember. You're right though, you do tend to blend right in though... in a crowd of 8 foot tall people...

 

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