Conversations with my Bro, yo

Bro: Dad was talking to me about money and stocks and mutual funds and stuff.

Me: Why? You don't have any money.

Bro: I didn't understand a word he said.

Me: I very rarely understand him.*

Bro: I told him "look, I've got a punching bag, some meat, and a girlfriend. I don't need anything else."

Me: LOL

Bro: He said "but you just said the same thing three times."

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Bro: You know bitches.

Me: DAMN bitches, yo.

Bro: word

Me: I need to turn on a light, just got pitch black here. brb

Bro: Is the sky mad at you?

Me: It sure is mad at some bitch, yo.

Bro: word mufucka.

Me: They are finally doing the weather on the news, looks like tornados a comin'. Best tie down the trailer.

Me again: You said mufucka!!! LOL

Bro: You people from Texas and your white-trash living arrangements.

Me: Did you hear about the t-shirt Melinda got me?

Bro: When are you gonna get an old Chevy up on blocks like respectable folk?

Bro again: No.

Me: It has a picture of a tornado, then a heart, then a picture of a trailer.

Bro: That's funny.

Me: I know. She is worried that it will get me beat up, but I think it's funny.

Bro: It will only get you beat up by tornadoes and trailer trash.

Bro again: Nobody important.

Me: Good call on that.

Bro: And hearts.

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(Looking at pictures of the dog sleeping...)

Bro: She looks coked out in this one.

Me: Which one?

Me again: That one?

Bro: This one

Me: Yeah, coked out for sure. I told her to leave our shit alone, bitch! But she don't listen.

Bro: You should buy her her own doggie coke. They sell them right next to the beggin' strips.

Me: Oh, cool, I'll totally get right on that.

Bro: Only thing is that they sniff so much anyway it's gone like right away.

Me: Dude, we have this giant sausage thing that we break pieces off of to treat her while we are training.

Me again: It's made for dogs, but DUDE, it smells JUST LIKE summer sausage. Kinda makes me not want to eat summer sausage anymore.

Bro: I want a giant sausage.

Bro: I mean a big piece of meat.

Bro: I mean... damn.

Me: You are so gay.**

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*Dad, I was kidding. I totally get you, dude.

**I would so LOVE a gay brother! Finally, someone to dress me!